Trigger warning: regression, trauma, tears, and the possibility of distress.

Go softly. Sit with a friend or family member if you can. If you feel in danger of harming yourself, get help right away — in the U.S. call 988, or contact local emergency services.

Meeting the child within

Today I want to talk about your inner child. Regardless of gender, race, or religion, the inner child lives inside every one of us. Maybe yours is well, maybe they’re even happy. But too many of our inner children are still carrying childhood wounds.

The mind is a powerful shield for the wounded child: it reroutes, blocks, and transposes signals so the little one inside doesn’t have to feel everything all at once. It will make you forget. It will invent coping strategies. It will even nudge facts toward denial so your small self won’t have to relive the pain.

Getting to the place where your inner child lives is only half the work. You also have to get to the when. There is a timestamp; a moment in time when your inner child was hurt. Visiting your child after that moment won’t be as effective as finding that exact time and sitting with them there. If you can get to that moment, you have an extraordinary opportunity to reparent.

Reparenting is simpler than it sounds. Yes, your child is in the past. But the loops and unhealthy coping patterns born from that trauma live on in your body and habits today. Many sources advise doing this work with a therapist, and that’s wise. But reparenting is also something we can each begin doing on our own: letting ourselves off the hook, reminding ourselves it wasn’t our fault, and that we are worthy of love. These are things we should actively do... not fear, not gatekeep.

If at any time you feel unsafe or overwhelmed, stop. Call someone you trust. Go sit with a friend or family member. If you are safe with yourself, you will be safe with your inner child.

Close your eyes. Go back to the place and time when your inner child was most vulnerable. Only you can find them. Approach your inner child as yourself now. This is crucial. Remembering is not enough; you must witness their pain while being present with your adult body so you can comfort them. Your inner child will know you. They look through your eyes every day.

Talk softly. Tell them what they cannot possibly have known then:

• You are safe.

• You are loved.

• I am here for you. I will not leave you alone.

• You turned out great. Things get better.

• It was not your fault.

Speak to your child in whatever way feels natural. Say everything you think they needed to hear. Your inner child will be the most beautiful and precious child you have ever met — that makes it easier to be gentle with them. They may be trapped in a trauma loop and only see their fear. Offer them another focus. Better yet, remove them from the scene: take them somewhere safe — a park, an ice-cream shop, wherever your dream wants to go. Watch them breathe differently when you tell them they don’t have to carry the worry anymore. Tell them you’re in charge now.

This part usually makes me cry. Watching my inner child want so badly to trust, to hug, to love, to heal. Let them speak. Let them say the things they need to say. Tell them you love them. That’s it. That’s everything.

Do this as many times as you need. You’ll know when it’s enough. And if you forget (as we all do) let my talismans remind you... You are safe. You are well. You are so, so loved.